Post 04: wavering faith
Recently I began challenging myself to read more of the bible. Seems like an easy enough task, right? One big book, with tons of different stories that all come together for a bigger meaning. Easy.
Boy was I wrong. I hate to admit it, but there were parts of Genesis that I was struggling to stay awake in, so I started asking around to figure out the next book to read and verdict was in: Matthew was next.
When I was reading, there was a verse in particular that caught my attention that said:
“Whatever you ask for in prayer with faith, you will receive”
Now, usually when I pray, I feel like it goes without saying that I’m praying with faith, but what does that really look like? Shouldn’t my faith in God be enough?
Every single day talking to God, there’s one thing that I never fail to mention - my family. I have one prayer that plays on repeat in my head. What I didn’t realize, though, is that I’ve prayed so much for this one thing, I didn’t expect it to happen anymore.
At some point along this journey of praying, I thought that by never letting it go, by repeating the prayer every night, that was my unspoken faith. But how can I pray for something that I stopped having faith in??? I KNOW that God hasn’t, nor will he ever, stop listening. I KNOW that God is on his own time table, but I got so lost in my own repetition that my faith wavered. I got lost in making sure that I didn't forget about the prayer that the words became irrelevant. I stopped being intentional with my prayers. As long as I was praying, it was fine.
I feel it’s important to mention, it wasn’t my faith in God that was wavering, but my faith in who I was praying for that was lost … I forgot that they go hand in hand. If I have faith in the Lord, my faith should carry on to others, right?
Reading Matthew was a big wake up call. It required a shift in my focus. Being more mindful of what I’m praying about and who I’m praying for has been super helpful. Wavering is okay - it seemed almost like a test of faith. A test to see if God would win, and best believe, He always does.