Post 03: lonely
*DISCLAIMER - This was written months ago, just posting now to share my previous headspace*
Everywhere I look, I am reminded to keep tabs on my mental health and to make sure my friends are okay too. I am constantly seeing posts on Instagram talking about taking care of yourself and honestly I never give these posts my full attention. I am the kind of person to push away my pain and be the “I’m fine” friend. Except I am not fine. Truthfully I haven’t been for a while, but what’s a bit of struggle without a distraction, right?
I’ve always been a bubbly person. I have always been very optimistic, and don’t get me wrong, I still am, but that doesn’t mean I don't fizzle out here and there. I feel like lately I’m more the soda that was left out for a few hours and it’s just not quite it anymore.
There are some changes I’d like to make in my life and maybe some changes that God is making for me that I 1000000% do not understand. I don’t get why everything happens but I know that everything happens for a reason (sorry, it’s a cliche for a reason), but rather than only focus on the negative, I just try to find God around every corner and believe it or not, He is ALWAYS there.
I feel like I go through the same routine every day of going to work and going to the gym and then going home, and while I like routines, I feel like I’ve outgrown this one sometimes. That’s what’s supposed to happen right? You get too comfortable with where you are and God shakes it up a little bit for you. Well right now, God is shaking everything up big time and in turn, it’s made me feel lonely here and there. Realistically, I know I’m not alone and that I do have people that love me, but I won’t lie, sometimes it can be hard.
I’m not saying all of this to say “please give me attention” but I am saying this because ultimately I know I’m going through something that in the long run, will be a way better life than I ever could have imagined.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have trouble trusting, like I’ve mentioned before, but God doesn’t do things halfway and then say He is finished. No. He finishes them. He is a provider for His children and sees every tear and every cry for help. He is the sunshine on a stormy day, but MAN can those stormy days be difficult to see through sometimes.