Post 12: go fish

I had a friend tell me last week that I seemed like one of those people who had everything together … and from the outside looking in, it may seem like it. I have a job, an apartment on my own and I write about religion and everything I’ve learned. So for the few seconds following that statement, I believed him. It’s nice to think we have everything together, to feel proud. We’re allowed to feel proud of ourselves and what we’ve accomplished, even if it may seem small at the time. Sometimes you have to give yourself a pat on the back, because it’s truly deserved.

… Little did I know that the next day the earth would shift a bit. I’d receive some news that would make me lose my footing. Have you ever learned something and just hearing it made you a little dizzy? That’s what this news felt like.

All afternoon that next day, I kept asking myself “how do I move forward when it feels like the rug just got pulled out from under me?” How do you?

I allowed myself some time to feel all the emotions I needed to feel. We can’t move forward if we’re only looking behind us, but we also have to know where we’re coming from. I know that God is holding my hand and guiding me where I’m supposed to be moving, but turns out, walking with a blindfold on is harder than it looks like. I have to take it step by step, or I could fall flat on my face.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m very good with distracting myself. I’m sure we all probably are to some extent. Society makes it so easy to shift our attention from the real world around us without even trying with social media, movies and Friends on HBO.

It’s been a little over a week now and I’m just starting to feel a bit more peace about everything. I don’t usually feel anxious about things, but at the start of the week it’s like I couldn’t shake this feeling of unease. I didn’t know where it was stemming from. Was it the news? Was it loneliness? Was it something I could fix? and if so, how? I didn’t really get an answer for all of these questions, but I did start to feel more peace when I prayed. Everywhere I looked, it was like God was talking to me, assuring that everything would be okay … and He’s right. Of course. It just took a little bit of time to fully believe it.

I’m not settling for bronze or silver, because that’s not what God wants for me. You can’t play Go Fish with a card that was dealt only to you. We’re supposed to take a deep breath, lean not on our own understanding, but His, and move forward while He guides us.